It’s been FOREVER since I posted a thought on ABF. It’s been a month of transitions, and just by way of explanation I thought I would post the text of an email I sent our church family this week. Hopefully this explains some of my absence from the blog, and gives you some insight into where I am in life right now. I would love your prayers and your thoughts on how to get even better.
““For what is a man profited if he gains the whole world, and loses or forfeits himself? ” (Luke 9:25)
Just a quick update from me and some clarification. I feel like I may have been misleading the past couple of weeks and wanted to make sure that I am communicating well.
I think that I may have put across the idea that we are not doing very well as a family. Allow me to say, that is not the case at all! In fact, I would say that now we are doing better than we ever have. What the realization over the past month has taught us is that we were spread way, way too thin. Between my many activities, the kids participating in lots of different stuff, and Laura’s many duties we were so thin that you could see right through us. And that meant that we didn’t have the time to be together and love one another well. It meant that we were always rushing to one place or another with no time to just enjoy one another. It meant that the house was always a mess and that Laura felt like she couldn’t keep up with all of the demands of school work for the kids, house work, her doula clients (which is a huge passion of hers), AND be successful as a follower of Christ and wife and mother. She realized it, but I was experiencing the same without really realizing it. (she’s always been more self-aware than I am) And we all finally came to the realization that there were a lot of tasks and activities that are good in themselves, but in the end took us away from who we want to be. So the past few weeks have been our attempt to clear out the stuff that matters least so that we can focus on the stuff that matters most. To us, what matters most is that we love God and each other, and we are trying to do that more effectively. And I think that God is using that in great ways, and with our “margins” and boundaries on our time re-established we are really having fun as a family. In fact, I think that we are as joyful as we have been in a long, long time.
So that said, we cleared those margins not to get away from our church family; just the opposite, really! We want to spend more time together with you. We want to have our family in Christ in our home, and grow closer with the people who matter most to us. Yeah, that is primarily Laura and me keeping our marriage strong and healthy (which it is!), and helping our kids love God and love people. This is why you’ll see us head out camping more, why James and I bought dirt bikes recently so we can do that as a father and son, and just being home more. It’s brought back joy in my life in fixing stuff around the house, because I have the time to do so and because it is fun again to make something work correctly. I have room in my mind for it! It is also building healthy, transparent, growing relationships with our church family. So look for that in our lives in the coming weeks and months as we focus on the things that matter the most to us.
All that to say, the Correia family is doing great. We are through the “holy moley, we need to change some stuff” time and into cementing those changes to have some room in our schedules and in our hearts and heads to really just be present where we are. So, please don’t think that we are in a dire straight or coming apart at the seams. In fact, I think that we are more whole than we ever have been, and it’s been lots of fun to be in our home listening to laughter and talking and getting involved in what matters to our kids. (Laura told me last night that while she and James were cooking enchiladas he told her ALL about the Star Wars Lego world he has built, and all the characters and cities and everything that are in it…I know you’re jealous!) I want to publicly thank Pastor Mike for being so instrumental in helping us make some of these realizations as a family, and continuing to help us relate effectively and communicate our hearts to one another honestly and clearly.
What does that mean for you?
Keep loving us as a family. We value transparency and authenticity, so we are just living life with you. Don’t wonder what’s going on or worry that you’re intruding. We’ll say so if we need space. And don’t worry you’ll say the wrong thing or that you can’t just have small talk with us. That’s what we want! Help us enjoy life a little by having lunch with us after church; we might forget to ask, so come ask us! Let us get involved in helping you find those boundaries as well and make the main thing the main thing in your life. Talk to us about the little things…we love that stuff.
Thanks again for being an amazing church family, where the pastor can just be a regular guy who occasionally needs to recalibrate. It’s good to be healthier.